Now they're trying not to cry at Christmas Now they're trying not to cry at Christmas The little ones are all but shunned at that strangely degrading kids' table The mistletoe says, no, you don't need a kiss, you need divorce papers The turkey's dry and grandpa's high on oxycontin, pumpkin pie Oh me, oh my, what a gong show, ho, ho, ho It's just another try not to cry at Christmas It's just another try not to cry at Christmas And when I tell my eyes, don't you cry, it's Christmas What do they do? Ah, they monsoon And Uncle John goes all along about Q-Anon, Armageddon John, shut up, and your girlfriend too, she's 21 and all coked out Dude, phew, thank God John and the blonde's gone And so is the essence from being young No more sugar plum fun, rum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum It's just another try not to cry at Christmas It's just another try not to cry at Christmas And when I tell my eyes, not to cry, it's Christmas What do they do? Ah, they monsoon It's Christmas Cry, cry, Christmas Cry, cry, Christmas So the rain falls down and the snow turns brown And the sun comes out, it's a winter drought And the climate bleeds and screams and pleads Sing with me in a one, two, three Another try not to cry at Christmas It's another try not to cry at Christmas