Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says no to Gaston! Done right! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear! More beer? What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced. Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together! Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston, looking so down in the dumps. Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston, even when taking your lumps. There's no man in town as admired as you. You're everyone's favorite guy. Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not very hard to see why. No one's slick as Gaston. No one's quick as Gaston. No one's necks as incredibly thick as Gaston. For there's no man in town half as manly. Perfect a pure paragon. You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley, and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on. No one's big like Gaston. Looking big like Gaston. No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston. As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating. I'm what a guy like Gaston. If I'm harassed, if 12, he pips. Gaston is the best, and the rest is all drips. No one fights like Gaston. Douses lights like Gaston. In a wrestling match, nobody fights like Gaston. For there's no one as curly and brawny. As you see, I've got biceps to spare. There's not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny. That's right. And every last inch of me's covered with hair. No one hits like Gaston. Matches wits like Gaston. In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston. I'm especially good at expectorating. 10 points for Gaston. When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large. And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a barge. No one shoots like Gaston. Makes those pukes like Gaston. Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston. I use antlers in all of my decorating. Say it again. Who's a man among men? And let's say it once more. Who's an hero next door? Who's a super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his wide-rangers, oh. There's just one guy in town who's got all of it. Gaston! And his name's G-A-S-T, G-A-S-T-E, G-A-S-T-O. Gaston!