Lyrics:
[Verse 1]
Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel
You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal
But I'd miss the way we make up and smile
Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind

[Verse 2]
I wish I had eyes in the back of my head
Then I could see the places I've been
But then I would know that you're talkin' shit
I don't want to know what my friends think

[Verse 3]
Wish I were my dog out on the lawn
I'd be so glad when I hear you come home
But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long
I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone

[Verse 4]
I wish I could act in a show on TV
'Cause then I could practice not bein' me
I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel
But you won't believe me when I cry for real

[Verse 5]
I wish that my brain would triple in size
I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight
But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind
I don't wanna know the point of life

[Verse 6]
In some other life I would be rich
I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill
But couldn't complain 'bout anything small
Nobody'd feel bad for me at all

[Verse 7]
If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack
I'd get invited to every frat
But when you get old and your good days have passed
You'll only want me when you're sad

[Verse 8]
Wish I was a song, your favorite one
You'd follow the dance to me at your prom
I would be there when your baby is born
For two or three minutes, then I'm gone

[Verse 9]
I wish I was big, as big as my house
I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd
But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch
God, I could really use him now

[Verse 10]
I wish I was God, I'd never trip up
And if I did, well, so fuckin' what?
I could be cruel and break all your stuff
Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what

[Verse 11]
But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird
'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear
And then you would die, you'd love me to death
I never know who the hell I am

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I was me, whoever that is
I could just be and not give a shit
Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan
'Cause I don't know who the hell I am
(am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am-am)

[Chorus]
One, two, pandemonium!
One, two, pandemonium!
Here I go again
One, two, pandemonium!
Here I go again
One, two, pandemonium!
One, two
Here I go again