Oh, oh, oh, daring me My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three He can't be bothered cos he's high on THC I often very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea I can't even see him cos his room is so smoky Don't understand how one can watch so much TV My baby brother Alfie, how I wish that you could see I only say it cos I care So please can you stop pulling my hair No, no, there's no need to swear Please don't despair, my dear, my friend Oh, Alfie, get up, it's a brand new day I just can't sit back and watch you waste your life away You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid Get off your lazy ass, Alfie, please use your brain Surely there's some wolves out there that you can go and spray I'm feeling guiltier for leading you astray Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid When all you do is stay and play in your computer games I only say it cos I care So please can you stop pulling my hair No, no, there's no need to swear Please don't despair, my dear, my friend Oh, little brother, please refrain from doing that I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat And let me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap I only say it cos I care So please can you stop pulling my hair No, no, there's no need to swear Please don't despair, my dear, my friend Thanks for watching!