Vanessa: Dad?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hi, Vanessa!
Vanessa: Dad, what are you doing?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I'll be honest, I don't really understand
But I fell down this hill now I got glue on my hands
And I got records on my fingers
Teens: Whaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Records on my fingers
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Teens: Don't stop
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I can't stop, I got a platypus controlling me
Teens: Whaaat?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I got a platypus controlling me
Now let me sum it up
It was a strange set of circumstances
Teens: Strange set of circumstances
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands,
now I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Teens: Don't stop! Don't stop!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well I would if I was able
There's a Platypus Controlling Me, he's underneath the table
Teens: There's a platypus controlling him- WHAAAT?

Teen: Oh I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you down!
Teens: Like corporations are a platypus
The government's a platypus
Your teacher is a platypus
Weird Teen: My teacher is a panda

Teens: Society's a platypus
My parents are a platypus
The media's a platypus
It's all just propaganda
Yeah we've all got a platypus controlling us

Heinz Doofenshmirtz: No, just me
Teens: We've all got a platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'd stop if I was able
Teens: We've all got a platypus controlling us
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I'm not speaking metaphorically
the platypus controlling me is underneath the table

Wait! Oh wait, no, he's gone!
Heyyy! There's no platypus controlling me.
There's no platypus controlling me