Ladies and gentlemen, the mayor of New York.
Good morning.
It's been brought to my attention that many
rap artists claim that they run New York,
but this is not the case.
In fact,
I wrote my own song about what it's really like.
Please excuse the profanity in advance.
Hit it.
I'm running New York!
New York,
big city of dreams,
and you know that I run this town.
I'm running!
King of the streets,
dressed in concrete,
skyscrapers on my crown.
So if you want this big apple,
come try to take a bite.
Cause I run this motherfucking city
and I won't give it up without a fight.
Yo, I run New York, it's a pain in the ass.
The city's crowded as * and it's covered in trash.
And the sanitation chiefs just shovel * in my face.
Another transit strike?
Ah, * great.
I can't wait to have another meeting with the labor union so
the mob can bend me over and then shove their * shoe in.
But I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latte.
I literally run New York and it's exhausting.
I run New York, it's a * headache.
It really wears you down.
And it's like a bureaucratic bullshit.
It's a miracle I don't drown.
Yo, I double literally run New York.
I run the marathon.
Plus I organize it so I double run the marathon.
But no one seems to give a * that I'm a paragon.
Instead they photoshopped me so it's looking like I wear a thong.
And laughed at it in my own office when I'm gone.
Went to the Knicks game and they booed me on the jumbotron.
Excuse me for trying to help you.
They won't be satisfied till I'm locked up in Bellevue.
I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick.
I run New York and it feels like *.
The chief of police is a major bully.
He laughs at my ideas.
He's a jerk.
He made fun of my tie last week and I had to fight back tears.
Now on the surface it probably seems like I should quit.
Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick.
But at night I travel down into the subway.
Wear a chainmail locked and loaded for gunplay.
And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats.
If I * quit, who the * would do that?
I'll give you a hint.
The answer is no one.
That's why I'm in this sewer dressed up like a show gun.
Cause on the equinox, a hell gate springs.
Release and hounds reason in the blood of kings.
And no one even knows.
They just think I'm a dork.
But I still kill those * dogs cause I run New York.
Thank you.